What do facial expressions tell you? An honest person looks natural and relaxed. A lie might sound stiff, like a prepared speech. A lie often sounds sketchy and includes contradictory information.ĭoes a story sound rehearsed? A truthful statement is spontaneous. Is a statement consistent? An honest statement is typically clear and consistent. Mutual respect does not ensure honesty, but it certainly encourages it. Parents are the strongest role models in their teens’ lives.Įven when you’re tempted to blow a gasket, maintain a respectful relationship with your teenager. When little George Washington told the truth about cutting down the cherry tree, he demonstrated character and, thus, received a lighter punishment. Taking responsibility means owning up to the lie, showing repentance, and offering a sincere apology to you and, in some cases, the family. Be consistent and fair in enforcing consequences.The most important goal is to teach responsible behavior, not to criticize or blame. Confront lying when it happens, but do so in a calm, respectful manner.Establish consequences for telling lies.Equally important, tell him how he can repair it. Have a heartfelt talk with your teen about the serious consequences of breaking the trust between the two of you. That is the only way to discourage such negative behavior.
If lies are deliberate and malicious - involving alcohol or drug use, shoplifting, or other delinquent behavior - they should be dealt with forcefully and consistently. If a child is struggling with problems at school or with peers, parents should deal with lying as an academic or social skills problem. Parents should figure out why lying occurs and why it persists.
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Lying to escape responsibility is never OK, but Doug’s parents should think about ways to make boring tasks more exciting - maybe by playing a DVD on the kitchen TV while he scrubs away. Aversion to boring tasks, combined with impulsivity, is common among teens with ADHD. “I can’t do the dishes tonight, Mom! I have a paper to write!” he announces, sounding regretful. Doug always washes the dinner dishes on Tuesdays, but on this particular Tuesday, he would rather have a root canal than wash another dirty plate. Trish’s behavior calls for discipline, but her inability to finish homework requires ADD-friendly organization strategies. When the progress report is mailed home, she hides it from them, trying to avoid embarrassment and their wrath. She is too ashamed and scared to discuss it with her parents. Trish is handed a note by her math teacher, warning her that she has a dozen incomplete homework assignments.
But David’s parents should also talk with their son and his doctor about possibly adjusting his ADHD medication, or adding behavior therapy to his treatment plan.
Busted! Lies should have consequences-in David’s case, he wasn’t allowed to use the car for two weeks. Unfortunately, for David, his sister spotted the car in the cinema parking lot. When asked later how his research was going, David assures his father that his time was well spent. Being impulsive, he detours to the mall to catch the new action movie. David asks to borrow the family car to drive to the library to do research. A parent should discipline a teen for his untruths, but he should also help him manage the symptoms that may have caused him to lie. Manage Symptoms of ADHD and LyingĪfter working with many parents and teens, I’ve found that serious lies sometimes spring from an inability to treat and manage ADHD symptoms. It is an organization and record-keeping issue, not an honesty issue. When his parents confront him, Barry stubbornly argues that his mom never told him to be home early. Distracted and rushing, he mumbles, “Yeah, OK, Mom.” In the course of a hectic day, he forgets his mother’s reminder and walks in an hour late. Barry’s mother, for example, tells him to come right home after school, because the family is going out to dinner. Some children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder ( ADHD or ADD) may not be dishonest as much as they are victims of uncontrolled ADHD symptoms. I don’t mean the little white lies that everyone tells once in a while, but repeated lying that causes conflicts and difficulties. Few things damage the trust of parents of children with ADHD as quickly or deeply as habitual lying.
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